Nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will

I have “Spurgeon’s Daily Meditations” bookmarked on my computer (thanks to a little Dougie), but most days I forget that it’s there and it’s only when my eyes do wander to that particular tab in the space beneath my search bar that I am blessed with the wisdom of a real man truly after God’s heart, personal thoughts from over 100 years ago.  I find stuff like that entirely fascinating. 

Today’s morning devotion was based off 2 Peter 3:18.

“To Him be glory both now and forever.”

Here’s a little excerpt from it:

Believer, you are anticipating the time when you shall join the saints above in ascribing all glory to Jesus; but are you glorifying Him now? The apostle's words are, "To Him be glory both now and for ever." Will you not this day make it your prayer? "Lord, help me to glorify Thee; I am poor, help me to glorify Thee by contentment; I am sick, help me to give Thee honour by patience; I have talents, help me to extol Thee by spending them for Thee; I have time, Lord, help me to redeem it, that I may serve thee; I have a heart to feel, Lord, let that heart feel no love but Thine, and glow with no flame but affection for Thee; I have a head to think, Lord, help me to think of Thee and for Thee; Thou hast put me in this world for something, Lord, show me what that is, and help me to work out my life-purpose: I cannot do much, but as the widow put in her two mites, which were all her living, so, Lord, I cast my time and eternity too into Thy treasury; I am all Thine; take me, and enable me to glorify Thee now, in all that I say, in all that I do, and with all that I have."

I love that.  In every circumstance, in every opportunity at all, give God the glory.  In every good thing I have been given- my heart, my mind, my time, my story; and in every hardship thrown my way- when my soul is sick, when my pockets are empty- glorify, honor, praise.  What a thought.  What an action.

In the last few months, I’ve found that this is all I want to do.  I’ve tried to analyze that so many times to better understand it, so I can better explain it, but that’s really of no use.  I’ve come to terms with the fact that I won’t understand the science of being drawn to Jesus.  I just am.  It just is.

But:

he [Jesus] said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.  For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.
                                                                                        - Luke 9:23 & 24

What a war.  Deny myself what I want, for what I want.  Take up our crosses daily, follow Jesus; a bunch of little revolutionaries singing praise to one Father, loving our brothers and sisters, having compassion for them, patient in our afflictions, submissive to the will of God, abhorring unTruth and reckless empty worship of our God because our love for Him is so passionate, so deep that we cannot understand or remove the reality of a mockery being made. 

Deny myself.  What a cost.  Because Jesus said:

Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. – Luke 14:27

and reiterated even more bluntly:

So therefore, any of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple. – Luke 14:33

Look like Jesus.  What a calling.  In the midst of this world, in the midst of mocking and unbelief and people thinking you’re downright mad-- GLORIFY GOD. 
How would Jesus do that?
What would Jesus do? 
What did Jesus do?

In Gethsemane before Jesus was handed over to death:

And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled.  Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.” And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.” – Matthew 26:37-39

I find this passage displays so much human in Jesus, and yet so much God.
“My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me.”
Weakness?  Selfishness?                    No.
Pain.  And overwhelming distress.  The weight of the world’s sin, the wholeness of the corruption of utter perfection and holiness set on God’s shoulders.  Anguish.  I don’t believe the yearning in the soul of Creation to be united with Creator is a one-way street.  It’s a pull, like a magnetic force.  We have to be enveloped into Him.  He knows it better than we do. 
So, sick with sorrow Jesus prays to God, “if it be possible, let this cup pass from me.”
We pray that a lot.  We hope that a lot.  But Jesus isn’t done.  Jesus knows the meaning of glorifying the Creator.

“Nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”

                                                                      Beautiful.

Father, never as I will, but as You will.  Father, never praise to me, but praise to You.  Father, I hold no pride in myself, let me boast of Your grace, and Your mercy.  Father, glory is not mine, it is Yours.

I’m sick of hearing “good for you,” or “good job,” or “glad to hear you’re doing well” (what??) when I describe, in my small and insufficient vocabulary that in no way displays the depth of His glory, how He is building up a healthy Body here or how He is showing a glimpse of His intimacy and sovereignty to us. 

This isn’t good for me.  Brothers and sisters, this is good for you, too.  The Spirit isn’t just working in me; It’s working in you, too.  I haven’t done a good job.  Encourage me, yes (I mean, please do).  But I don’t want to feel like you’re praising me at the end of the day for the things I’ve done.  I haven’t done them.  The joy you feel when I tell you how God is working here deserves His praise.  Praise Him.  Do not disconnect yourself from the work of His hands in me.  He has built me up to build you up, to build the Church up.  Please do not tell me that I’ve succeeded, that I’ve won; I have much still to learn.  Challenge me.  Encourage me to be more open to Him, to call on His direction more fervently, to love Him in every opportunity, to give grace and mercy like He’s taught us, and to lay down my life-- renounce all I have-- as He’s asked me.

I know I haven’t the approval of all men.  And that is something I’ll never need.  I have the calling, the name, of a good and faithful servant- a daughter in Christ.  But I do not wish for the praises of men either, telling me all that I’ve done right.  Be encouraged, brothers and sisters, by how good He is.  By how He has redeemed me.  But remember that I was the little girl lying on the floor, broken and bruised, addicted to using and feeling used, crying out to a God I didn’t know by name to save me.  And in that, know that my strength belongs to Him.  My love belongs to Him.  Our praise belongs to Him.