better be prepared to be surprised

This is the part where I re-join the world.

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“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.”  - Martin Luther King Jr

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It’s impossible to explain where I’ve been, mostly because I’d have to be sure where it was before I even began to search for words… and I can’t say that I’m sure. 

What’s important now is that I’m here.
No looking back.
That’s where I’ve started this semester.
Not looking back.

I decided a total change was in store for the little safe-haven I’d created in this blog.  Because I knew there was definitely no going back to the way that it was before. And not just here, but in my life.  It hit me yesterday when I received  two emails from MU senders.The first one was from a Grad student, offering me the opportunity to help with her dissertation that involved direct observation of teacher/student behavior.  More hands-on research;
too good to be true.  Well it wasn’t.
  I thought of how great it would be to take her up on that offer, get my name heard in the Department of
Counseling Psychology.
But I had to turn it down. 
Can’t work in a city I no longer live in.

A little after receiving that one, I saw another in my inbox.
This one was for the fast-lane to apply for a
paid undergraduate research internship
that I qualified for because  I had already been a part of their prep program that I had been accepted into my freshman year.
but I had to turn that down, too.
Can’t work for a school I no longer attend.

But I think the important thing I had to realize was that I couldn’t sit there and be upset.  Because life is happening. 
It’s moving now. 
& if I keep turning around to look at what was or what
could have been |would have been| should have been,
I’ll miss it.
Everything He told me I’d be.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on.  Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. 
                       Are you not of more value than they?”
                                           -- Matthew 6:25-26

it’s alarming when I really think about it. 
how He takes care of us.

And that’s all I can prepare myself for at this point.
To be surprised.