“Don’t put your trust in walls because walls will only crush you when they fall”

I’ve been sitting here staring at this blank page for about 20 minutes now. 
How is that my brain can just withhold those signals that tell my hands to move; how is it that my heart forms this barrier between honesty and this keyboard whenever it pleases?

God so intended that I would be this stubborn, immovable, set in strength young woman, but let me tell ya: when I’m not using it the way He intended, it’s not as useful as it sounds.

It’s easy to sit in silence
when no one
tells you it’s okay to speak;
and who knows--
maybe that was all
I could have needed
somehow,
someone to tell me
my thoughts made sense
outside of my head;
my words were worthy
of listening ears;
maybe I just needed
someone to tell me
that it was okay to cry for this-
okay to be alive for this,
that maybe I could have
asked for more from this,
or to be separated from it
fully.

Where does all the lost time go? 

How can I feel a peace that surpasses man’s understanding, and a comfort that the world does not know, and still be this cold and indifferent?

How can I forget too often that this is not a systematic matter, and rather a love uncontainable by the boundaries of my own imagination?  A love not silenced by the logic in my promises, or hindered by the most scientific reasoning.

How can I forget that I am urged to remain in faith and hope and love, the greatest being love?  How do I ignore that it is that love that makes this faith real? 

Because all of my pursuits to better know my Lord’s heart are getting nowhere without it.  All of my desire to feel Him fully in this place is cut off without love.  All of my hunger goes unsatisfied, and all of my thirst unquenched because I don’t know how to use love.