Here world: Here's my God

 

"I see His love and mercy washing over all our sin...
I see a generation rising up to take their place with selfless faith...
I see a near revival stirring as we pray and seek,
We're on our knees, we're on our knees. Hosanna."

In Matthew 13, the kingdom of heaven is compared to treasure hidden in a field, or a pearl of great value.  In both instances, the one in search of these great treasures sells everything he has to buy it.

That's how I'm feeling right about now.

When you spend weeks, days, hours with God, He starts to show you things you don't even think you're asking for.  And when you're face to face with such great conviction, harsh and real direction, undeniable Truth, you can't for a second pretend you could even try to disobey.  Like the perfect father He is, He directs me; He tells me how to move. 

You see, when I began blogging about all the ways God was breaking my heart, I truly thought He was simply doing me this favor.  I truly thought He was just helping me out.  Only here I am now, and I'm starting to see that it was only the beginning.  Because there is no limit to God's perfection.  Where He is perfect in saving me, of freeing me of all the things I've been bound by (some, for my whole life), He is also perfect in redeeming the world.  His perfection does not exist merely in the capacity of my own life.  He has perfected righteousness.  He has perfected love.  He has perfected sacrifice.  He has perfected justice.  And as He's emptied me of all the things that were eating me from the inside out, He's filling me with Himself.  I can feel it.

I am just realizing the realness of the fact that I am a part of His plan; He is not a part of mine. 

This isn't about me anymore.  I mean, it was never about me.  But my heart's desire is not about me anymore.  I feel like God is calling this city to wake up.  I feel like God is calling this world to wake up.  I am realizing that He is pulling me to move, to stand, to speak.  He is calling me to use any ounce of boldness or conviction I possess in my soul to show my world who He is. 

Nothing even makes sense anymore.  But everything does.  I think of how it will look, that the "word of the cross is folly" to this campus (1 Corinthians 1:18).   

But I am not ashamed, for I know Whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me.  -2 Timothy 1:12

My mind, my heart, my soul- they're set on one thing.  I've never been so consumed by God that I could not think about anything else.  I can just feel Him; I can feel Him calling me, moving me, challenging me to stand up for Him.  I can feel it.  And I can't even see where He's telling me to move, I'm just walking because I trust Him more than I ever have.  I don't even know what He's doing, but I'm giving up my world for Him because I can think of no better way to spend my time but to take up that cross, sell everything I have, and follow Him.  He didn't call me to the "spirit of timidity" I've been hiding behind for so many years, but "of power" (2 Timothy 1:7)-- His spirit, His power.  He has called me to "pursue righteousness, godliness, love, steadfastness, and gentleness" (1 Timothy 6:11).

He does not want me to sit still, to stay here, and I can't anymore.  Not when He's like: HEY.  HEY, YOU.  MOVE.

Everything else is falling away as I'm realizing that change starts with submission.  I used to say what God could and couldn't do.  I used to put Him in that box I talked about; I used to say where He fit.  I used to say what God had the capability of achieving.  I used to think money could stop Him, or inadequate resources, or inadequate people, but then I realized the world can't stop God.  The only thing He needs is adequate submission, adequate obedience, from adequate faith- from adequate love. 

I used to believe this could possibly be just about me and what I could do with Him.  And when I would think further into that, I would realize that I'm just one person; I'm just some girl in some college in some part of the world.  What am I supposed to do?  The answer: nothing.  Nothing at all.  Stop trying.  Let Him do. If God wanted an army, He'd call an army.  But He's calling me.  So He's going to use me, despite my many inadequacies, because I love Him.  And because He knows just how much that is.  And I have faith, like I've never possessed before now, that He is going to provide the other appendages to this body, to His body, for me to work alongside. 

This isn't about me, about what I'm doing, or these pretty words I search my most extended vocabulary for.  This is about God's glory, guys.  This is about the saving He is about to do.  This is about the reviving of dead faith, dead hearts, He is about to perform.  This is about how He doesn't have a limit of miracles to which He is contained.  This is about how He's told me He has a plan and nothing in this world, in this school, in our unbelief is going to stop Him now. 

So this is what fervency is about. 

For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth.  But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong.  - 1 Corinthians 1:26-27